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Journal

2012-01-09T09:11:00.000-08:00

Sunday March 6, 2011

I woke up early. Only got about 4 hours of sleep. Hopefully that's not a recipe for disaster. I wish I could work overtime and I wish that work didn't overpower my life & thoughts. Especially my thoughts. It does though. At times it's not so bad. But other times it's like, "come on!'

A lot of people I meet at the hospital are at the final stages of their life. One thing I came to realize over the years is that death and life, although glorious at times, can also be very normal even close to mundane things. Like when nana died, there was a big part of me that believed that before he died he would become conscious, speak some amazing words and then depart. I think I was expecting that so much that I believed he would not die, Allah would not take him away, until this was done. Sadly it kinda made me take the time I was at his bedside for granted. I don't think I was 100% aware or fully believed he was dying. And when he did pass, it was so simple that it shook me to the core. Walking into his room, he was gone and I, for some reason, could not believe it. It literally shook me to my core because I couldn't believe he just left. Without a word. Without waking up. Without me being there. It made me realize that not everything happens like it does in the movies. That's what makes life, life and death, death. There can be times when it is very dramatic. Sometimes I think that's all people expect. They expect the drama so much that they get upset when things are normal. I bet religion can be put the same way. Although it is very much spiritual and absolutely amazing, it teaches us how to live an ordinary normal life. It is quite fulfilling but at the same time it is also very normal. And people can get upset or maybe disappointed at the normal. Because their expectations were so much more.

Entertaining.

2011-11-11T10:50:00.000-08:00

I like being entertained. Who doesn’t? A bunch of people freezing in time to throw a bunch of passerbys at a train station off? Classic. Telling a crazy lady you’re a doctor when you’re not? Funny. Walking past that lady while she screams “Doctor! Doctor!” while you have a confused look on your face? Kinda mean but still nonetheless, HILARIOUS.

Entertainment is what it is. Another thing that it happens to be is temporary and pointless. Sure you can chuckle and laugh hysterically but once that YouTube clip is done, you're there sitting by yourself. Kinda lonely, isn’t it?

Entertaining things are captivating but can also become a waste of time. A lot of people get sucked into being entertained so much that when they aren’t visually stimulated they get bored. It’s funny because a lot of it involves sitting on your ass. One of my many talents might I add.

One of the problems I have is finding joy in entertainment. Sure I can watch a TV series because I’m curious to know what happens next but after I do I’m always like “What a fucking waste.” Tell me I’m alone in this.

There are very few things I actually find joy in. I don’t have hobbies (well not true if that includes sitting on my bum). I work at a job I don’t particularly like (loathe is the better word). And though I thank the Big Guy upstairs for not having petty drama, I don’t have much of a social life.

Are these the things that bring people joy? Happiness? Because if it is well then that just effing pathetic. Some Greek geezer said that man’s purpose in life is the pursuit of happiness. While I don’t think this is the main purpose (stupid geezer) I think it has some truth in it. I don’t see any happy people being suicidal or dropping dead so, yeah I agree partially.

I find myself constantly thanking God for not having problems because I know what it’s like to be in serious shit. Not fun at all. But I also constantly find myself asking is it what it really boils down to? Being completely miserable or bored? What about the freakin joy, experiencing life, taking life by the horns and and and…doing something with the damn horns.

I wanna be productive and do something…can’t believe I’m saying this…that will change the world for the better. Ugh. I know I have an idealistic mindset. Well forgive me for thinking that this world can be a place of rainbows and dinosaur sized unicorns that burp skittles, I haven’t lost complete vision of dreams.

What I’m trying to say is that I could care less about the number of friends I have if all they’re going to do is keep me ENTERTAINED. And while we’re on the subject I’m effing sick of eating out! Damn it. I hate wasting money on crap I can make at home. And if we’re being frank, I’m also sick of hearing about who’s doing what or who-I DON’T CARE.

Not that I’m starting a charity or anything but what about all of this other shit that matters? I don’t even know about half the issues that do need helping (way to prepare yourself, idiot) but just because I don’t know doesn’t mean I’m not willing to learn.

I just wanna feel useful and find joy in doing something useful. I feel like a waste of space and I’m bored with it. And I’m tired of drowning boredom with episodes of Grey’s Anatomy and Revenge.

I understand that it might be easier to think about getting off your arse than actually physically lifting an ass cheek.

2011-01-17T20:14:00.000-08:00

I observe things a lot. What can I say? I'm like a hawk in the sky waiting to swoop down and tell you you're being watched while your checking your nose in the mirror for boogers... I'm also a bit odd--but this post isn't about that.

I, like the rest of you out there, have conversations in my head about scenarios that will probably never happen. But trust me I understand how good it feels telling that annoying girl off or coming up with a witty comeback to a conversation you had 4 hours ago. It's just too bad that some of those scenarios in our little heads can't be reality. Or are they in some sense--reality? Now, what I'm about to say may come as a shock to some of you. Ready? Ok (Gimme an A! No? Fine.). You are the only person that can hear your own thoughts. Wow. What an epiphany. Unfortunately, to my knowledge at least, the only mind-reading occurring anywhere is in X-Men with the creepy old guy in the wheelchair. He always has those annoying headaches. It's like man up!

The point is, so many of us are obsessed with the little thoughts in our own heads or worrying about the thoughts in other peoples' heads that that's what we're too busy doing. Living in our thoughts. How many of us can say we haven't been preoccupied in our thoughts so much so that there are times we don't know how we got to our doorstep because we don't remember the drive home? Or what about the times you don't hear a word of what's said during conversations or classroom lectures because you're too busy thinking about something else?

A problem my fellow humans have today is avoiding the stark reality that is in front of our eyes. Instead of facing the enormous whale-shit of problems we have, we just avoid them by living in fantasy worlds like twitter, facebook and "other" sites. We create these places partly because it's easier to stalk people and they're addictive but the other part is probably because we want to create imaginary worlds where things aren't as hard and doesn't require much effort. And to believe these sites weren't here 10-15 years ago. We had TV to drown our emotions and lives back then.

Gosh. I guess what I'm trying to say is our reality, this very life, is there right in front of us and too many of us are missing out. Myself included. We're missing out because life can be discouraging and downright unbearable at times and that in itself is enough to make many of us quit and/or use unhealthy coping mechanisms like living in our imaginations rather than in reality.

An important lesson my parents have taught me throughout life is that someone, somewhere, out there has it way worse than you and me. It's true. It might not seem true. You just have to look for them. Track them down. Ask them to tell you how shitty it's been for them. Go ahead. It'll make yourself feel better. Either that or make you feel like your not alone on Crappydayweekandevenmonth Island.

Don't let the discouraging parts discourage you. Easier said than done. Easier to read than actually apply. But trust me you don't want to grow old to live with regret of not enjoying the time you had because you were to preoccupied with other things like your thoughts and things that don't matter. A lot of those people exist out there.

So now comes the advice. Get your ass up from your computer. Have a conversation (at least one for starters) with a person and give them your undivided attention. Look at their body language, listen to the tone of their voice, the expressions on their face. Oh and make sure this convo is with someone who isn't monotone or someone that is meaningless or annoys you. Call your Mom and Dad and tell them you love them (because who else, honestly, is worthy of it? And damn it, you better mean it).

That's all the thoughts I have for now. For anyone reading out there. HELLOOOO.

I think I just heard an echo.

Happily Ever After is a Load of Bull.

2010-06-20T19:39:00.000-07:00

Why do seasonal allergies have to be seasonal? Seriously? Why do I only have itchy eyes and an unbelievably runny nose when it gets warm? Why can't I have it all year round (you know because I love it so much)?!

So marriage has been a very popular topic around my household and the world lately. It is wedding season after all. I've been studying some relationships of some married couples around me. And it's been pretty amusing. A lot of them can be labeled. I hate labels as much as the other guy. But hey it makes things more organized and neater. And Lawd knows I do love me some neat stuff. I've listed some categories couples might fit into. Note: these are extreme versions but are nonetheless present in the world of married couples.

The "Rich" Couple
Everybody and their Momma is jealous of this couple. I mean who cares if the flowers at the wedding cost more than your house, your car, and practically everything you own, it looks pretty. And oh the engagement ring, yeah the one that's the size of a baby's head, yeah you better believe that ring pop err.. i mean diamond is real. And I don't blame the fiance for accidentally stomping on his fiance's foot and pushing her into a swimming pool he was only trying to save the wedding cake he spent a crap-load of money on from falling off a table. Image is everything to this couple. They might not care too much about one another but as long as they look good and make everyone around them green with envy, that's all that matters.

The "Traditional" Couple
Oh this is the couple that thinks they're right and the rest of the world is wrong. Good luck with these folks. Their way is for everyone and I mean EVERYONE. Who cares if the man doesn't know how to change a diaper or never wakes up in the middle of the night to feed the baby, that's the Momma's job. Why can't everyone just understand that? Rules are rules are rules and the world would be such a better place if everyone would just follow them.

The "all we need is each other" couple
This couple is all about sacrifice. And when I say "sacrifice" I mean sacrificing the rest of the world. I'm gonna stop talking to my mom, dad, sisters, brothers, mailman, the Rite Aid cashier, and the stray cat in the backyard because they're all just trying to break us up. All we need in this world is each other.

The "love is the only factor in our marriage" couple
Let's face it, a marriage may require love but that's not the sole factor in making it last. Love isn't going to pay your bills or fix the leaky faucet. This one may be mistaken or comparable to "lust is what brought us together & now we're stuck" couple. And FYI looks fade so if that played any role in falling in love or lust, you're in for a rude and receding hairline awakening.

The dependent/needy partner couple
This type of couple annoys me A LOT. I don't even feel like describing them because they're that annoying.

The "I'm more into my kids than myself" couple
Now this couple I have a decent amount of respect for. This couple also sacrificed a lot for what they believed to be a praiseworthy cause. You can't blame them for not knowing that the little rugrats they refer to as "the apple" of their eye would become teenagers who cause havoc with sprinkles of disrespect. Those ingrates. The kids will most likely not realize or care that you won "class beauty" for your high school mock elections or the fact that you used to be a size 0. The only thing your left with by the time they're gone is bills, extra fat, and wrinkles.

Ahh marriage is great. Makes me want to run to the alter this very second.

2010-06-08T12:11:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wish I weren't sooo responsible. Like I did things and just didn't care or analyze the consequences or think about the people it would effect.

Being thoughtful sucks.

French Fry

2010-05-20T06:30:00.000-07:00

I hate when I lose things. Anything. I hate it. I hate it even more when I don't find the things I've lost. And I've noticed that I have a harder time accepting the fact that sometimes, the things lost will never ever return to the place they once were.

Sometimes I just get passive about the lost things in life. Its not like I really have any control over it. Then this little voice in my head comes in and tells me that I do. I do have control over a lot of it. And when that little voice gets started, it's hard to shut it up.

"What ifs" become common. And that's a path no one should ever take. So some sincere advice to any of you readers out there, never do it.

I've lost a lot of things recently and quite frankly, it hasn't bothered me much. And it's ironic that this one thing that I've lost, this time around, is really having an impact on me. It's ironic because the lost object is the size of a small french fry. And I feel like I'm grieving a lot over it. While the other things, the more important and grandeur things, have not been grieved over much less thought about.

Now at this point, I would think that I'm kinda crazy. I am. Everyone is a little crazy in my opinion, but that's a whole other blog post. But anyway I think this small object represents something more. Well, doesn't it? Isn't it ironic that the big things received little attention while the small thing is really bothering me? Its like the tip of the iceberg. I've been avoiding dealing with the big things that something like the "french fry" is kinda pushing me over the edge.

The thing is, I'm scared to confront the big things. I want to avoid it because things could potentially get ugly. And craazy.

Another thing is the "french fry" wasn't my thing to lose. And it was much more important to other people than it was to me. And "sorry" isn't cutting it. It's not working guys. An apology isn't enough.

I'm flipping the world upside down in search of French Fry. No crevice will be spared. I think I'm failing to realize that French Fry isn't coming back. And once the realization hits me, I'll go back to Avoidingville.

I hope by the time they figure me out, I'm long gone.

2010-01-28T06:06:00.000-08:00

I'm surprised they haven't fired me yet!

I work at a hospital. I have to be there really early. Sometimes the worst of me gets the best of me and without any self control I hear myself dialing the phone to call in sick. AHHH! It's become a really bad habit. I've done it twice this month already. It's not like I even work full-time there either! I work about 5 times a month and if you do your math, I've only worked three times this month. THREE TIMES! I have no self-control. Usually I try making myself feel better by saying "you have the rest of your life to work, take some time off and relax". The sad thing is I don't ever feel bad for calling off. I feel REAL good and secretly laugh at the people that are stuck at work while I sit here sitting on my arse.

Trust me, it's not like I don't need the money. I do. DESPERATELY. I just paid off my tuition and looked at my online bank statement and nearly flipped my seat over. "$___.92??!!!" I'm in trouble. I just don't know it yet.

I think I'm braver when I'm in a semi-comatose state. I would never have the cojones to call in while fully awake. I'd suck it up and just go. But when I'm half asleep anything can happen. My family actually gets scared sometimes because I can turn into a monster. A real monster.

I am a monster.

This post doesn't suck you in. I wouldn't read it if I were you.

2009-12-16T17:43:00.000-08:00

I decided to start writing in a journal. It's not one of those journals that have all my deepest darkest secrets though. Although I do need one of those. But if you were to open the journal that kept all my deepest and darkest secrets you'd probably be really disappointed. The thing is, I don't really have any. I wish I did. It would probably make me a little more interesting and mysterious. Everyone loves a little mystery right?

I watched "The Other Boleyn Girl" and man did they have secrets. You should really watch it if you never had a chance to. And I did a little research since the story is "fiction" and to be honest a lot of the juicy stuff in the movie was real. I don't want to give any details for those of you that didn't watch it but it is quite juicy. I concluded that a lot of the bad stuff that did happen was because of the King. He was a serious perv.

Anyway back to my journal. I'm keeping it to help me with my memory. If I haven't mentioned it before, my memory sucks. And well, that basically explains it all. I don't remember what happened yesterday, so please don't ask me. I don't remember the last time I trimmed my nails or did my laundry. I hardly ever remember birthdays. And there are times I don't know what day of the week it is. The four years I've spent at my university can be reduced to one sentence: It was kinda a blur but I'm glad it's almost over.

I was hoping to have a nice antique looking sophisticated journal and since I knew that wouldn't happen I asked my baby sister to let me have her nice empty journal. And she said no. So my journal is now a 70 page spiraled WIDE-RULED (I hate wide-ruled) notebook. Blah.

It's going to be a challenge because not only am I forgetful but I'm as consistent as I am in updating this blog. I do love writing though. Especially when people find my writing mildly humorous. But I hate reading. Well that's not completely true. I hate reading things that fail to suck me in. But when I do get sucked into a book my sisters tell me I'm really annoying because I turn into a zombie. Day and night become synonymous, I forget about what's happening around me and I never listen to them when they're talking to me.

My family consists of book lovers. One of my sisters told me that I can't be labeled a book lover if I count the number of pages I have left until I'm near the end. I always catch myself doing that.

Anyway this was a useless post but I had to write somethinggg. I'll let you know how the journal thing unfolds.

So calming...

2009-10-21T15:49:00.000-07:00

Can I be sentimental for a moment? There has been a lot of that going on in bloggerland lately and I just want to join in. I guess people have been having epiphanies or been going through tough things lately. And anyway it reminded me of the night me and my family were crowded around our computer listening to Obama's acceptance speech. Change had come and a sigh of relief can finally be let out. It seemed like people were connected, there was hope and love going around and well everything just seemed like it was gonna be alright.

That feeling of hope didn't last long though. Way to kill the moment. Oh come on, hear me out.

Sometimes, and I've heard this a lot, it's the hard things that bring the best or worst out in a person/people/community. And it seriously is a test of a person's patience.

Like let me give you an example that I'm experiencing at this very moment. If you haven't noticed, I have a love-hate relationship with school. And at this current moment, I'm supposed to be at home in comfy clothes sitting on my arse (one of my favorite things to do) because I have an exam free week! Instead I sit here in a dim-lit fluorescent outdated library after dark working on a research presentation. Let me add that I've been working on this lovely project for hours with no relief because, my friends, I keep meeting dead ends. Can I just mention that some librarians are useless? They seem really friendly in these "helpful" chat rooms with names like "Rhonda" and they genuinely seem interested in helping you solve your problems only to get frustrated and just hang up (is that what they do in chat rooms?) on your face.

I hate being ignored/unheard/hung up on.

I kinda forgot the point I was trying to make with this post...

Oh right. This was supposed to be uplifting and inspiring. So the lesson, fellow bloggers, is never to give up and always keep your head in the game.

What?

Yes.

That didn't make any sense.

Exactly.

Summa'

2009-08-09T15:45:00.000-07:00

Man it's so hot. Is it weird that I kinda like it? I don't think I've ever sweat so much in my life. And the sweat is kinda giving my skin a dew-y glow. And for those of you that know me, I don't even like tans.

But lately I've been becoming fond of things I never thought I would like in a hundred million bajillion years. I like cleaning. Sometimes. Only when I feel like I'm doing a good job and it's not going to be destroyed or messed up by my family. I started to like going to working too. It's kinda unexpected since I have to wake up at a horrible hour when most of the world and people enjoying their summer break are still sleeping. And I work 12 hour shifts for three straight days. One thing I noticed is I like doing things in bulk. Like I'd rather go to work for three days and then have four days off rather than work five days and only two days off. It just makes sense doesn't it?

I like dressing up too. The other day, my sister said she couldn't figure out if I was feminine. I guess I'm not into most things people would label feminine like heels and dresses but I think I define it in more of a different way. My older sister said that I don't care if my outfit is ugly as long as my face looks nice. She's kinda right. I spend less time deciding on what I'm going to wear versus my face. I don't even like buying clothes. Everything at the mall is so weird material and I feel like a lot of people just buy on impulse. I don't know if it's because of my cheap nature, but I really have to take a moment and think before I buy an item of clothing. Do I really need this? Am I really going to spend five dollars on this?

Man, I'm such an old lady.

Lights....Cameras...Wait what's going on?

2009-08-01T09:06:00.000-07:00

My neighborhood is so cool. I've seen quite a lot over the 21 years I've been living here. Yesterday was no different.

We were in a movie. Yeah that's right. Meet the next Nicole Kidman.

Well ok maybe I wasn't in it and maybe it wasn't a movie but a reality TV show!

OK not a reality TV show but a commercial.

Fine. I don't know exactly what it was for but there were cameras. And a golfing cart. Probably to drive all the famous people around. There were so many rumors going around, neighborhood people mumbling something different at every turn, I couldn't find the real story behind these mysterious cameras.

But anyway it was really cool. At first we thought it was just another drug bust or murder, you know the normal stuff, because of all the cop cars. Then we saw a camera and thought, "great it must have been a murder because the local news is here".There was also a helicopter.

So we decided to have our brother, who happened to be driving back from the grocery store, drive by and take a gander. No luck. Everything was blocked off. He walked across the street to the corner and came back to tell us "it's a bunch of corny stuff". He wasn't that far off. They were burning our corner neighbor's corn crops.

Why?? I'm as confused as you are.

My brother later told us it was for a mayonnaise commercial. What does the burning of corn fields have to do with mayonnaise? Is corn like the competition to mayonnaise? I dunno. Nonetheless my friends, this event resulted in yet another uniting of local neighborhood people gathered around to see what was going on. We haven't had a get together of the locals since the last drug bust or wait I think it was since the last fugitive hunt. Or maybe the last arson? I can't quite remember.

Ehh

2009-07-28T16:14:00.000-07:00

Sometimes people really get on my nerves. And it's not like I get annoyed easily either. It's when I see lazy people having the nerve to criticize non-lazy people. Like today in my class we were doing this group assignment when all of a sudden everyone decided to gang up on the kinda-nerdy quiet hard working guy because he couldn't find an answer. These group members, I should add, copied straight from the book for their answers. And I felt really bad because I felt like defending him. But I didn't. Sometimes I'm such a coward. They were even threatening to erase his name off the group assignment sheet.

Poor nerd.

I guess it all works out in the end though. He'll probably be making 10xs more than all of them in the future. Either that or he'll come back to kill all of them.

Yup.

2009-05-01T06:41:00.000-07:00

Today a crackhead..err.. I mean substance abuser told me I look like a 12 year old. Normally I would get offended but honestly, only a crybaby a.k.a me would take a person like that seriously.

But I didn't. Well at least not this time. And I can't really blame her since she is a drug addict that probably could care less if she made me feel inadequate because I look like a fetus. But she did say it in a way as if she were trying to insult me. When I was younger I along with the rest of my siblings was always compared to someone or something. I was either too skinny, too short, or too dark for someone's liking. And once I went to school it wasn't much different. A majority of my peers being of one race/ethnicity never forgot to point out that I was the "weird" or different girl. I was the "white" girl in the all-black school and the "black" girl in the all-light skinned school.

Ha. I know. Cry me a river, build a bridge and get the hell over it, right?

Well that's exactly how I'm starting to feel now. I think what my problem back then was I took things way too seriously. I was always trying to please somebody. I put the opinions of these people on a pedestal. And I believed every single word that came out of their annoying imperfected mouths. Note how I used the word "imperfect". That's right. I'm starting to realize that these people don't spend half as much time I do with myself, so who can take what they observe in less than 30 seconds seriously. Seriously?! Seriously. Ha.

What I am trying to say is, sometimes the best person that can judge you in an objective and maybe even in the most truthful manner is yourself. Shit, why not? You're the only person that spends 24/7 with yourself. It's not like you can really check out and take your conscious to the moon or something. You are always with you. So the next time someone says something that may seem offensive or even in an evaluating type of manner, you have to either a.) know not to take them seriously or b.) turn a deaf ear because you're already aware of what they're saying.

Ok?

ok.

Good.

For anyone that cares.

2009-04-04T20:17:00.000-07:00

I am thinking right now. Can you hear me? You are currently inside of my mind. You should feel very special because usually its hay rolling and crickets chirping in here. So I am kind of glad to finally have some company. You can actually have a seat right there. Get comfortable. There hasn't been a lot going on in here lately.

What I usually do while I am writing anything is read it a million times over and over before submitting or publishing it. This is so annoying people like my SISTERS won't find mistakes. So I am going to try REAL hard not to do that.

Woops. I just did it. That's what happens when you try to break old habits. They somehow either don't go away or do go away but end up coming back in a disguised form as something else. I have a lot of bad habits. And each time I think I've gotten rid of it, I usually start doing something equally if not worse to compensate for it. Compensate? Well that's a word you don't here come out my mouth too much. Wait it didn't come out your mouth. We're in your mind remember? Oh right. Well I sound prettty smart, don't I? No you don't. No? I think I sound pretty damn good...wait who the hell are you?

Hmmm. I guess they left. No I didn't.

Aaaanyway. I used to have this bad habit of watching TV a lot. But ever since TV has become kinda nonexistent and lame because everything is online nowadays, guess where I've been spending time at?

But it's not as bad as some of my siblings. They're on it so much sometimes I wonder if they have some sort of addiction or something. They really do have withdrawal symptoms when they haven't been on it for a while.

So ummm. Whatever.

Today I was talking to this lady that was 92 years old. Man it was real sad but made me happy at the same time. Don't you know how we all have that thought in our head sometimes like, "I don't want to be lonely when I get older,"? Well this lady was literally like that. She was an only child. She never got married. She's never even been on a date. She has no family here because she and her parents came here as immigrants. All her family that was alive is now dead. And oh yeah, she lives alone. No pets. Not even a fish. It was like, what the heck? She kept saying she thought "this was the end of the road" for her and that she didn't think she was going to get better.

I didn't know what to say. What do you say to someone like that. But somehow she tells me that I am helping her and that she could tell that I really care. What the heck? Either she's a) clingy because she has no one. b) dumb. c) telling the truth. or d) a combination of all of the above. I'm beginning to think it's b. hahaha. no. But I don't know.

I know, depressing. But you have to admit that it is fascinating to see the extremes sides of people.

:)

2009-04-01T15:20:00.000-07:00

I am in love. With a person. We've known each other for years. I can't believe its happened! But yes, yes it has. I really don't know how it happened, but nevertheless it did. And I am happy. I don't know exactly how to tell my family and I guess by reading this some of them are finding out right now. But I don't care because I am on cloud 10 and this person completes me.

HA! JOKE! Happy April Fool's Day Suckaaas!

I bet some of you are paranoid right now and think there's some truth to it and alls I have to say to you is, love sure does make people believe in and do weird things. Are you in love or something?

And oh yeah love makes people suddenly become stupid too. Has your IQ declined yet? :D

Dedicated to You :)

2009-03-10T14:21:00.000-07:00

Hi. I know this is late. I probably also know that I am talking into an empty room. Whatever.

:)

A- Approachable. Something I am not but sometimes wish I was. And another A: Angular. I wish I had really sharp angular features.

B-Bacteria. Something I feel like is on this keyboard right now. Library keyboards are always grimey and I'm sure are full of E. coli and other fecally associated bacteria. I can just imagine how many people went to the bathroom, didn't wash their hands and came on the computer to write to their boo or as some people say "cat".
;)

C-Cats. A lot of people have cats. Some people have more than one. Which is nast-aaay. I don't know how they balance their time from one cat to another cat. Imagine how many cat ladies or cat men there are in the world. Sometimes I wish I had a cat when I get lonely but then I just remember that they're needy and annoying and I just don't have time for them. And oh yeah I hate commitments.

D-Dizzy. I am dizzy right now because I haven't eaten anything since a million years ago and am to lazy to get myself something to eat.

E-Embarrassing. Ha. We've all been there. 'Nuff said.

F-Flabbergasted. I don't know the last time I've been flabbergasted. I wish there was something that flabbergasted me, like a really pretty cat?

G-G Unit. They're ghey.

H-Haunted. I used to love scary movies.

I-Ice cream. I absolutely love ice cream. Normally I am a very slow eater but when ice cream is involved I'm the first one done. And I never get brain freeze.

J-Joke. Most jokes aren't funny. They might be witty, but they never seem to make me laugh. I think I laugh more when someone does something funny and or stupid. Like me and my younger sister were just sitting around one day bored and so we were just talking and I took out the digital camera and hit the record button. And after a while we both forgot it was on. So I looked at it and replayed it in fast forward and... forget it. It won't sound as funny as it was. But it sure did make me laugh real hard.

K-Kalamazoo. I knew someone that used to live in Kalamazoo. They're really starting to annoy me now.

L-Laugh. I love a good laugh.

M-Mother. I love her.

N-Noodles. We eat noodles a lot. And we're not even Chinese.

O-Oatmeal. Yesterday when I went to rehab, the patients had oatmeal for breakfast.

P-Pedestrians. Sometimes I wonder if they know how to cross the street or if they just purposely want to get runned over.

Q-Quailman. I hated the Doug episodes with Quailman.

R-Rush. I'm getting better at not rushing things.

S-Sucrose.

T-Tulips. How come in movies and TV they always show these people that get flowers and then they go and smell them and say they smell good when in reality flowers stink.

U-Uranus. I still haven't figured out how to pronounce it with its new pronunciation.

V-Vengeance. Ha. I don't know. I wish I had a British accent so I can say a sentence with the word "vengeance" and then laugh evilly.

W-Why. Why am I wasting my time waiting for this fool?

X-Xanax.

Y-Yodle. I'm a professional yodler.

Z-Zebra. I want a zebra printed credit card. I accidentally got a stupid one with a ladybug on it. And its not even a cute cartoon-y ladybug but a gross real one.

We just gon' be enemies.

2009-02-25T06:14:00.000-08:00

I rush things.

But that's only because me and Time are enemies. I have a love-hate relationship with Time. But now that I think about it, it's mostly hate. That's only because it never listens to me. When I beg it to go fast, it takes its sweet precious time. And it's the opposite too. When I tell it to slow down a little, it goes all crazy and goes faster than...something that goes real fast.

I don't know how to get it to like me. I mean I'm a nice girl. I've never done anything for it to hate me. It's not like I killed a clock or something. I actually like clocks because they come in all shapes and colors. They're so diverse. And I like diversity.

So why doesn't Time listen?! I mean, I plan my entire life around it. I'm beginning to think it's a selfish MF-er. Seriously. Think about it. There's no balance between give and take. I give and give and give. And it just keeps on taking like a greedy fat kid that loves cake.

I have to find a way to trick it. But trust me I've tried to trick it before and was always caught red-handed. So I need a strategic well thought out plan. Hmmm...

Hmmm....

Hmmmmmmmmmm........

I got nothing.

Sike Psych.

2009-02-20T07:40:00.000-08:00

I should really consider cutting my nails. They're getting pretty long and...gross looking. A couple of them broke and it was really upsetting. I can finally relate to those prima donna type of girls that make a huge deal when they break a nail. It's very annoying.

I really have nothing to write about.

The other day I couldn't fall asleep because I had so many things I wanted to write about on this blog. They were pure genius then, but now they just seem stupid. I think that's what happens when your in an altered state of consciousness. Everything is cooler than it really is. Sometimes when I'm sleeping and have a life changing or inspiring dream I wake up in the middle of it and I'm like, "Oh my GOD! That was so cool! I have to write it down or remember when I wake up!" And then I wake up in the morning to see a paper with the words "man hair grows every 5 seconds" scribbled on it.

Sometimes when I'm stressed out, I study in my sleep. Everything makes so much more sense and I honestly seem smarter. Too bad it's not like that in real life.

Anyway, speaking of altered states of consciousness, I have to share some of my experiences in a psychiatric mental health ward.

And no, I was not the patient.

You can stop laughing now.

So I guess I should explain that I am in the health related career field. One of the first things they taught us in this clinical rotation was "DO NOT react to a patient that is hallucinating as if their hallucinations are factual". In other words, don't react to the crazies because they're crazy. But I gotta say, sometimes it was hard not to.

There was a patient I encountered that was visibly manic...but he was a funny manic. He made me laugh quite a few times. So he had this delusion that the nurses and doctors were drugging him. He was diabetic and was getting daily doses of insulin shots. He believed that these shots weren't insulin but heroin. He kept coming up to me and telling me that he truly believed that he was getting high off of the insulin. So as a member of the health team, I had to reassure him that they were trying to help him. I walked over to the medical cart took the bottle and explained that these were in no way drugs as I lifted the the bottle to point out the words on the label clearly written: Heroin? Huh? And as soon as I read that I looked at him, shrugged my shoulders and walked away.

Ha. No. I showed him the bottle and it did say insulin but I was partly expecting it to say heroin because he was convincing. He calmed down a little but I don't think he was 100% sure. But then again you can't really expect a person that hasn't slept for 5 days to not have any loose marbles.

There was something I wrote on here yesterday that I deleted. I got mad because it wasn't working so I was like F that. But I think it pertains to this post perfectly. Please watch this. And watch it in a psychiatric sense. My patient looked kinda like this, suprisingly. And please watch it in its entirety.

I've got a case of the dreaders.

2009-01-25T14:37:00.000-08:00

I hate when I get easily influenced. Some people just have that effect on me. I talk to them for 30 seconds and the next thing I know I'm on a plane to a third world country to do something I would NEVER do unless I was drunk. And I don't even drink!

Aaaannywayyy...People need to stop sounding so persuasive or convincing. I wish I had that effect on people. Trust me, it would come real handy.
Especially at my job.
Where I have to convince people to give me their money.
Me: Hi can I have some of your money?
Them: NO!!
Me: oh.
(silence)
Me: ok...bye.

So I have to do something today that I didn't have a problem with until...someone convinced me that it is so dreadful. And now I'm dreading it. And I'm trying to figure out ways to get out of it. Gosh. And the more I try NOT thinking about it the more I think about it. I wish there were some fast forward button I could press. Or even a skip button. Yeah, I think I would like the skip button more.

*EDIT*

So I have done the dreadful thing that I dreaded. And to be honest it wasn't so dreadful. Stupid convincers. However, I have to do it again this weekend.

And I'm dreading it.

So...

2009-01-20T11:18:00.000-08:00

So this morning, while I was awkwardly brushing my teeth with my right hand*, I got to thinking. I have some New Years Resolutions. Ok so I'm 20 days late. Who cares. Here's just some of them:

1. Take ridicilous pictures. When I say this, I mean to make a weird face in every single picture I take this year...or at least this month...or maybe that will have to wait because my driver's license is expiring this month. :( Darn it. Maybe I should still go through with it... Ok, ok it's decided. I'm going to do it! Or maybe I'll chicken out. I CAN'T PREDICT THE FUTURE!!!

2. Learn how to spell words like "ridiculous" without the help of Mr. Red squiggly line and Mrs. Right click.

3. Laugh for about five minutes a day. It doesn't have to be all at once! But I was watching this documentary-type of movie where people in India go to this yoga type class and what they do before they start each session is laugh for 5 straight minutes! And I wanna join in on the fun.

4. Do something nice everyday. Or at least semi-nice...One step at a time.

5. Try NOT to hate school. Even though it's really hard not to. I mean come on, it's school. Enough said.

6. Write in here more often. Yes. RIGHT HERE.

7. Don't take people too seriously when they don't understand something I'm saying. Now this is going to be a tough one. Especially when these people consist of people like my Dad, who at times seems HOH. But you can't blame him. Half of his kids can't get their voices above a whisper around him.

8. Try to do things with my right hand. I'm a very proud LEFTY. But it's really hard for people like me to live in a right hand world. Especially when you're part of a culture who believe that everything done with the left hand is wrong! Even cutting something with a knife with you're left hand is considered wrong. Well I'm sorry if I care too much for my four of my fingers and thumb! But I guess that's selfish of me. I'll just have to sacrifice little pinkywinky for the sake of righthanders.

9. Remember things that happen around me. Supposedly, I don't remember ANYTHING.

Farn: Do you remember that time-
Me: No.
Farn: How about the time-
Me: No.
Farn: Come on what about when-
Me: NO!
Farn: Wow, you have really bad memory.
Me: Thanks for reminding me. I forgot I forget things.

And the final thing that I would like to do this year (for now atleast)...drumroll...

10. Get braces. haha. More on this later.

HOLLA' fo' a DOLLA'

2009-01-19T07:06:00.000-08:00

Yay! I finally won something! I've never won anything in my life!!! Take that stupid lady that told me that I needed to lift weights because I "need the strength" or the idiot that told me that people like me won't get "anywhere" (after arguing "knowing" me for about 2 seconds) or the idiot that told me that I don't have "enough patience" and that my kind of "attitude" won't get me anywhere! Let me just walk over their faces while I make my way to the top! Oh wait...I didn't win...Wow, this is AWKWARD...Should I just erase the first few sentences? Oh who cares! I kinda won! So take that stupid people that kept putting me down! Thanks to anyone who even kinda like this blog...or for those that think that I have even an ounce of talent. Thanks Symphonic-Discord, you guys are the real reason I even started this thing. HOLLA! :)

My nominees are:

1. Symphonic-Discord
2. Marjnhomer
3. Clever Girl Goes Blog
And because I haven't really gotten a chance to read other blogs I'll just put the ONE I really like:
4. Symphonic-Discord
5. Symphonic-Discord
6. Symphonic-Discord
7. Symphonic-Discord
8. Symphonic-Discord
9. Symphonic-Discord
10. Symphonic-Discord

THANKS!

Oh and in case, you're wondering I've been nominated for The Lemonade Award.

:)

Edit*

I'm so good at following rules. Apparently I can't nominate someone that nominated me. Ooops and oh well.

Help.

2009-01-11T10:21:00.000-08:00

Bobby (my sister in law) is really funny. She has this habit of somehow always wanting to go in the bathroom when its occupied. And what she ends up doing is twisting the doorknob every 30 seconds which, I'm guessing, makes her think that it will somehow speed up the process? And then once the bathroom is free, she's nowhere to be found.

So I have a problem. one of my goals this semester/year is to start caring about how I look. Sounds kinda shallow, but it's anything but that. I don't know, I think it's the realization that these looks aren't going to be here much longer or the fact that I'm getting dark circles that don't go away or the thinning of my hair, but something has caused me to want to look prettier. I've been sifting through my wardrobe and most of the clothes can be divided into three categoris: hand-me-downs from Farn, things that are at least five years old, and things I don't wear. And I've been looking at facebook lately and see people from high school and I've become one of those people that would dread seeing these people again because I look like...*trying to find a synonym for crap*.

It's going to be hard keeping up with this goal though. I'm so inconsistent and will probably forget about even wanting to look better. And then I'll see someone from high school and they probably won't even recognize me because I'll blend in with the homeless people around me!

I know what some of you are already thinking, "her looks are her biggest problems?! She is shallow". And maybe you're partly right. But I think my fashion sense has really took a turn for the worst since I've started college. It's so drabby and would make Mrs. Beckham or any other fashionista croak over. Marj, my older sister, who cares very little about looks even thinks so and thinks my clothes "lack color". I think I'm in somewhat of a crisis but I don't know it yet.

If you agree, please help because this isn't a chuckling matter.

Farn.

2009-01-06T10:16:00.000-08:00

Hello, hello.

So yesterday was, my older sister, Farn’s birthday. I wanted to write something but I never got around to it. Anyway let me just tell you a little bit about her. She’s my older sister (duh!) and well…she’s my sister. And over the years I’ve learned a thing or two from her about life, people, and other stuff.

Our relationship is kind of complicated. We’re not really friends like some sisters and we really don’t hate each other…some of the time. One thing I’ve noticed is we hate explaining ourselves to each other. Something she does a lot when I ask her a question is answer me with a question. I hate it! It’s very effective in getting on my nerves. And she knows it.
Me: Are you ok?
Fern: Are you ok?
Me: What’s wrong with you?
Fern: Why do you care?
Me: Are you going to keep doing that?
Fern: Doing what?
Me: Answering my questions with more questions?
Fern: Is it bothering you?

When we were kids she had these delusions that I was always following or copying her. Sometimes we got into fights because of it, but we never apologized after these quarrels. One of us would usually say something that we know will make the other laugh to break the tension like something stupid like “booger” or make fun of another sibling. It would be awkward if one of us did say sorry because then it would make it a little too 7th Heaven. And we would always try to avoid having our Dad get into it because he would of course make it into a 7th Heaven moment not only making us apologize to each other but hug it out and then give us a lecture about the importance of sibling relationships.

Another thing she does is laugh a lot, or at least she used to. Sometimes when she laughs it makes you wanna laugh. Other times her laugh is directed towards you, not with you (those are annoying). But it was always easy to make her laugh. Sometimes my siblings and me would just count to a number just to hear her laugh because we knew she would never last more than 3 seconds.

But anyway, this isn't turning out the way I wanted it to...I just wanted to wish her face a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! and hopefully she'll have at least 50 more to come.

AHHHH.

2008-11-26T06:01:00.000-08:00

Hmmmm...

So it's kinda early in the morning right now here in Detroit and the birds are singing, I'm sitting in this big comfy chair in our mansion in my comfy "pajamas" and everything is so pleasent. Oh and Billy and Sue are killing each other down stairs. I don't think they have any supervision. Hmmm... On second's thought I think my Dad is down stairs trying to do something. Oh wait, there's more crying... And more screaming. Should I do something...
They'll figure it out.

Anyway, I miss not writing in here. Nothing has really been going on besides the fact that some lady instructor of mine was threatening to fail me. Don't worry I proved her butch self wrong.

Sometimes when someone/something surprises me, I scream. I really can't control it. It's like a reflex, you see. I don't know if you would call it a protective mechanism in case someone did come up to me on a cold, quiet Detroit night to EAT ME or something, but it just comes out. And I wish it was those high pitched girly screams like, "Ahhhhhhh! I'm a girl.". But it's more like "WAAAAAAAHHH! aah. ahh. WAAAAHHH!" Kinda like a maniac who thinks that someone is dumb or stupid enough to eat her salty arse.

The other day when I was sorting my clothes getting ready to do my laundry, my Harry Potter/Twighlight fanatic sister, Mina, spooked me. She's done it before. She walks like a person who's floating. No footsteps to acknowledge her presence, no sounds of shoes on the floor. NOTHING. So there I am throwing my clothes in haphazardly humming a song, "hhhmmm mmmmhmm laaa yeahhh" only to turn around and see she's been standing there the whole time. So of course I'm like "WAAAAAAAAHHHH!" While she's staring at me like I'm the one who creeped up to her getting scared herself. And then she starts yelling at me acting like it was my fault. She's such a dingus.

Anyway it happend again yesterday. I was leaving my house to go to work when all of a sudden a huge pack of dogs come out of nowhere. By the looks in their eyes I think those two dogs wanted to eat me. Well one came out first and when it heard me scream it did the same thing Mina did; look at me like I scared it and not the other way around. So it ran across the street probably thinking I was going to eat it or something.

But the point is, I scream a lot. And I'm hungry.

2008-11-12T12:28:00.000-08:00

You still read this?! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Man I think I just peed a little.

Don't worry I'll be back soon. Promise.

chuckle-worth-snippets

2008-10-22T10:16:00.000-07:00

WATCH IT. You know you want to.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nhp4zalZJ8

2008-10-15T10:17:00.000-07:00

The members of my family are the masters of catch phrases. Seriously. It's soooo annoying. I can probably write a book on it. Instead of using synonyms they make up words. Instead of giving normal nicknames they make up names that have nothing to do with that person. And rather than just saying "jinx" they go on to "double jinx, triple jinx, quadruple jinx, fad' dalla (arabic accent for 'five dollar'), ahhhhh!" and yes they even scream at the end. They even have that contagious effect of spreading these words and having other people use them as well. Bobby, my sister in law, was in labor and she told the doctor that she had to bookie. Guess what bookie means...Yes.

I took an exam today (and no not in the Canada class, even though I do have a test in there today) that I can't help but feel anxious about. Sometimes when I worry I can literally feel the grey hairs sprouting from my head. And I already have plenty of them. Some people that know me tell me it's really hard to believe that I am the author of this blog because I seem "so different" in person. It's sooo annoying. Seriously. It's like, what do they want with my life? Yes I am funny. I know I am. And if I don't seem like it in person, well you just haven't gotten to know me well enough. Either that, or you're an idiot. Anyway, there's really not a point to this post. I just had some time (that I really don't have) I wanted to waste. Whatever.

My eldest sister, Marge, has been going through some stuff lately. I think the next few posts will be somewhat dedicated to her, even though she doesn't know this blog exsists. And I plan to keep it that way, for all of you bookieheads that know her: Keep your mouths shut! Dang.

Bold indicates the catch phrases I have to deal with on a daily basis.

Yeah.

2008-10-12T17:40:00.000-07:00

I want to write about so many things.

Unfortunately, school is kicking my rear end.

In recent news, Sue's uncle, Sam, had a daughter! Meet...drumroll...Myra! Sue keeps wanting to see the tinsy little feet of Myra (who seems to sleep ALL day). Billy is ecstatic. Now we have 3 babies crying simultaneously.

yay?

2008-09-24T14:32:00.000-07:00

Dear blogspot,

I am so misunderstood.

...And I don't care.

Sincerely,
Chuckle

Charming...

2008-09-17T12:56:00.000-07:00

A girl was really rude to me today. I just want to… give her a BIG hug. Whoah, I was just in Opposite Island, I’m glad I found my way back. And I think you’re really cool and pretty. Darn it. I think there’s some residue left from that island.
Har har, CORNY! But hey, I try.

Don’t you think it’s annoying when someone catches you doing something that everyone else does but it just so happens to be something you don’t see people do in public? Like picking your nose (I don’t care what anyone says, everybody does it) or taking out a wedgie or smelling your armpit and no, not simultaneously. Although, I have seen my sister do it before. And then they think they have a right to judge you or laugh at you when you know you would’ve done the exact same thing in their situation? Man, those people suck.

I love when men aka large version of boys are polite and respectful. And I especially love when they don’t even notice they’re doing it. It’s so, dare I say, attractive. Ewww! Gross! I know, I know. How can I think that?? I’m as shocked as you are. Today when I got to school at 2 am, ok I’m exaggerating 7:30 am (same difference), I thought, “why not go to the library?!” And of course it was closed and the only entrance was through the midnight hours door. So you need your ID card swiped because they’re not going to let people that look like the caveman down the street in harassing the heck out of people. Once I got in I was fumbling through my bag (GUCCI and Prada) and it was obvious I had a hard time looking for my ID. When in comes this guy who looked, I don’t know cute, whatever who cares, who happened to see that I was in distress. Ohhh poor little me, my knight and shining armor, umm no—think again. After I told him that I am in no way in need of anyone’s help and that I am efficient and independent on my own, he still offered to let me in with his card anyway. I don’t think he understood what I said, either that, or he just couldn’t read my mind. Nonetheless I accepted his plea with much defiance and he was even kind enough to hold the door open. This was even after I stomped on his foot and told him that once again it wasn’t necessary and I could very much well have kept the door open by myself.

I’m off to my Canadian class for yet another interesting lecture. I have a quiz in there that I’m supposed to have already studied for. But guess what? I didn’t. Oh well, I’ll just cheat off of old lady in her mid to late 40’s or 50’s. Hopefully she won’t throw her blackberry in my face or anything because I'm really not in the mood to kick anyone's ass. Excuse my French.

Wish me luck!

Enough with the Sillyness

2008-09-12T13:15:00.000-07:00

It's funny how our eyes can play tricks on us. Like you're walking down the street minding your own business when you spot an odd situation and wonder "why in the heck is that man with that suit wearing a baseball cap?" only to see that he just happens to have multi-colored hair. Or that time you thought that a man was a lady, or a lady was a man only to see the same lady the next day and think the exact same thing again.

Sometimes it's amusing to see how people behave in public places. It seems like everyone has an invisible circle around them that marks their territory. And they didn't even have to pee on/around themselves to establish it. It’s even funnier to see when their territory has been crossed or invaded. Like you walk into class and every other seat is preoccupied. That’s right, it's perfect. Everyone minding their own business all comfy in their own personal space not having to sit next to anyone and then BAM! In comes you. You’re presented with the opportunity of spreading your germs by having to sit next to the unfortunate poor little person that has already made it clear that they want nothing to do with you. And when you squeeze past the people who are obviously thinking, "you should've came earlier, jackass," "idiot!" "whatever you do, don't touch me!" and "try not to put your butt in my face", finally reaching your destination to ask the unfortunate stranger whether or not "this seat taken?" They say "no" smiling politely when in reality they want to kill you, along with the ten other people whose faces you accidentally put your butt in. What's there to say? People just need their space. And then you have the people that don't understand the logic or rule of skipping every other seat. They skip two seats messing up the whole system.

Anyyyyway the other day when I entered my lecture exhausted from carrying my 34902174-pound book, there were of course, no seats. And when I say no seats I mean there were no skip-a-seat seats left. And to be honest I could've sat on a empty bench in the back, but I decided "enough with this nonsense!" and so when I saw a girl I knew, who obviously saw me but acted like she didn't, I pulled up a seat and said "HI!" and her reaction made me chuckle. She kinda jumped up in a "oh no I’m doomed!" look and squeaked "hi!" probably thinking, "here we have another moron that doesn't understand the skip-a-seat concept," while she smiled as she moved her things and made room for me.

I'm dumb when it comes to technology

2008-09-05T09:03:00.000-07:00

This layout is so ugly. Not to mention boring.

Someone teach me how to make it nice.

You had to be there...

2008-09-03T17:13:00.001-07:00

Okay, so obviously school has started. Today was actually my first day and to my surprise wasn't that bad.

Have you ever had the urge to just laugh at something other people might not find funny? And realizing this you try to hold in your laughter, but the harder you try, the more that laugh is bursting at its seams waiting to come out? Well something very similar to that happend to me today. I'm taking a general education class that our university requires us to take. Anyway it's a Canadian History-type class. Why I decided to take this class? Well let's just say that I'm very intrigued by the Canadian culture and that's the only class that happend to fit my schedule. My instructor is a guy in about his late 50's (who happens to be adorable and I just want to pinch his cheeks). He's one of those small guys with a voice that gets loud and raised without his knowledge. It's almost as if he's shocked when his voice goes up. Anyway long story short he was talking so passionately about this class and it made me want to crack up. People were asking questions and he would answer them like they were the most thoughtful questions on earth.
One guy asked, "Why do you think the American news media doesn't cover much on Canada?" And my instructor thought really carefully saying in a slow and passionate tone, "Well because people just don't care about Canada and don't think it's important". It was seriously so funny and the things he kept saying made me want to shout, "are you kidding me?!" It was just so funny. I guess you just had to be there. There's nothing wrong with Canada, but come on it's Canada. I guess I was laughing more at how he was talking and how serious he took himself. Or maybe it wasn't funny, well no, it was. And then there was this lady that kept getting annoyed at how slow the clock was going and kept giving deep sighs. Not to mention the lady sitting next to me who was well into her late 40's early 50's who kept asking stupid questions. I still think it's humourus to see old people in undergrad courses; but that's a whole other story. Out of nowhere she pulled her blackberry out and just pointed it toward the teacher's face saying, "this is from Canada" expecting I don't know, extra credit? And she kept talking about hockey too. I think it's a big deal over there. It was just so funny. You just had to be there.

Time doesn't fly when you're not having fun.

2008-08-31T08:13:00.000-07:00

Sue's coming back today!

Meet Sue.

2008-08-21T09:49:00.000-07:00

Sue is currently on a vacation in a third world country. Why she decided to go to a third world country for a vacation will remain a mystery to those around her. The day before she left was emotionally draining for her family. This was partly because everyone was desperately trying to make it a happy and pleasant goodbye. But the more everyone tried to walk lightly on the eggshells present, the harder they cracked. And the harder they tried the more they disagreed and argued which eventually led to dramatic bouts of sobbing leading to more disagreements and arguments and, well, you know the rest. There was one argument that was distinguishable that day involving none other than Sue and her 40-something-best-friend-who-also-happens-to-be-her-grandmother Grandmother.

But then again arguments weren’t something new around that household. And there were lots of them, particularly between Sue and her big towering Grandpa. The relationship between the two wouldn’t be one described as “simple”. Sue had no problem giving Grandpa a piece of her mind; something his own children would never dare do let alone raise their voices above a whisper. Their conversations often went something like this:
“You’re still here?” Grandpa would ask.
“Yes” Sue would answer patiently.
“Aren’t you going to go home? Go home. I can hear your brother crying.”
“No.” she would say with indifference.
“Why not?” he would demand, “Don’t you miss your mom and dad? Go home.”
A shrieking, “Nooooooo!” followed with “I want to stay at Grandma’s house!” and then a threat, “I’ll hit you in your neck!”
There was now silence. Grandpa began to shuffle his papers gathering his things to get ready to go to work.
“Bye, Grandpa,” Sue’s tone back to normal with no trace of anger.
“Ok, Bye,” Grandpa said, forgetting the threat he encountered a few moments ago.

Most of the time she spent in her grandparents’ home weren’t all that bad. She learned a few things from her aunts (who still happen to live with her grandparents). One of the things she learned to be specific was the art of insulting others through the use of profanity. “dumbass” was one of the first words uttered out of her tiny mouth. Countless attempts of reversing the use of that word were made.
“Sue that’s bad. Don’t say that. It’s wrong,” one aunt would try to explain.
“You’re a good girl and only bad people say that, and your not bad your good,” another aunt emphasized.
None of them seemed to work. One aunt thought it would be smart using reverse psychology. She decided to use an everyday word, she chose the word cookie, and made it seem offensive to promote the use of that word so that Sue would catch on and begin using it too. On the flipside she promoted and showed “dumbass” in a positive light trying to promote…God knows what. Obviously she didn’t think it completely through. So as practice Aunt2 gathered Aunt3 & 4 to try the experiment.
“Hey you cookie! I don’t like you!” Aunt2 said in a negative tone.
“I don’t like you either! COOKIE!” Aunt3 said emphasizing the word.
Now it was time to use dumbass in a positive light.
“Hi dumbass. How are you doing today?” Aunt2 said pleasantly.
“I’m very good, dumbass. How are you?” Aunt3 said trying not to laugh.
She never did use “cookie” in times of anger. However, she did use “dumbass” in times of anger and happiness. She often came to Aunt2 just to ask, “Dumbass, how are you doing?” She wasn’t far from the truth.

Coincidentally a favorite question of hers was to ask others how they were doing. In the car while Aunt2 was driving “how are you doing?”. When seeing someone sad “how are you doing?”. In times of being scared (particularly of vacuums) “how are you doing vacuum?”. And if by any chance the reply to the one in question was ever “bad” or “not good”, her reply would be “Nooooo,” in a I-know-you’re-kidding playful tone somehow thinking that the that the “not good” or “bad” answer implied to not being good as a person or being a bad person. She would then say, “you are very good,” as in a very good person. And she would say it confidently making the person she was saying it to believe that they were in fact a good person. The thing that often shocked people when she would say that was not her answer but the fact that she genuinely cared about how that person was doing. Her infectious high-pitched giggle spread making others laugh or smile making them think, “This is what being happy must look like.”

Sue spent most of her time from the time she was born at her grandparents’ house. The times she did go home, she kept her younger brother, Billy, company. She was a good sister. She played games like peek-a-boo and was very protective over him. But with love comes sibling rivalry of course.
“Billy can’t do this,” she would say jumping followed by a high-pitched giggle. “He’s a baby,” she would try to explain. And he was a baby but somehow she didn’t see herself as one.

The argument involving her and her 40-something-bestfriend-who-also-happens-to-be-her-grandmother Grandmother the day before she left was over something so insignificant that if asked what it was over after time passed neither would be able to give an answer. This argument lead to Sue crying hysterically for about the fifth time that day leaving Aunt2 to pick up the pieces of trying to console her.
“Don’t cry Sue. It’s okay,” Aunt2 said rubbing her back trying to comfort her.
“Grandma is bad. I want to throw her away outside” she said between sobs.
This was shocking to Aunt2 because she had never heard such harsh language about Grandma. Sue and her grandmother were inseparable. Sue would wake up early mornings just to follow Grandma to the garden to water the plants. She would stand close by and ask questions not thinking for one moment to leave her grandmother’s side to go play. They would sit and talk together, take naps together, and even just sit in silence sometimes.
Now Aunt2 was trying to think of a way to respond to Sue’s comment.
“Grandma is just upset right now. Let her cool down. Let some of the anger go away. Grandma is not bad. Grandma is good. See, I am good,” she said pointing to herself, “you are good. Everyone is good,” Aunt2 tried to explain.
Sue sat quiet still crying.
“Grandma is good. Everyone is good,” she said between sobs, “let some of the anger go away” she said as if she had a new understanding.

Later on that afternoon Sue’s dad came and took her home. The aunts were upset and feeling guilty for yelling at her and because they felt it wasn’t a proper goodbye, they decided to go over later that evening. Sue was in her natural state of not being aware of her surroundings playing and running around and of course giggling. She was oblivious to their arrival and playing with Billy. Later that night when it was time for the Aunts and Grandma to go, Sue whined and screamed for Grandma not to go obviously forgetting the very serious incident hours earlier. And when Mom gave in Sue was overjoyed waving goodbye as she walked down the sidewalk of her parent’s home.

Once in the car, everyone was quiet thinking and disposed in their own thoughts when suddenly Sue, as if reading everyone’s minds, interrupted saying “It smelled so bad in that house!” causing everyone in the car to erupt in laughter not believing what was just said as they finally drove home.

I'm not good with introductions...

2008-08-15T07:50:00.000-07:00

My sister is living out of a suitcase. It’s clear…and plastic.

There are two queen-sized beds in my parents’ bedroom. Yes. TWO.

I am from Detroit where nothing is really in the norm. We have our fair share of fat people, a mayor who’s in jail (we’re so proud!) and a 10% unemployment rate. Now what you’re probably thinking right now is, “we have a girl that’s obviously BRILLIANT beyond her years, rich, a bit underweight and somehow can’t manage to fit in her surroundings despite living at the same address for over twenty years. Oh and she’s a princess”. And you're absolutely right (okay minus the rich and princess part, but the rest is TRUE).

This blog will be dedicated to the funny things in life no matter how lame they are and the interesting people with interesting characters that happen to fill/waste my time.

Enjoy!