Happily Ever After is a Load of Bull.

Why do seasonal allergies have to be seasonal? Seriously? Why do I only have itchy eyes and an unbelievably runny nose when it gets warm? Why can't I have it all year round (you know because I love it so much)?!

So marriage has been a very popular topic around my household and the world lately. It is wedding season after all. I've been studying some relationships of some married couples around me. And it's been pretty amusing. A lot of them can be labeled. I hate labels as much as the other guy. But hey it makes things more organized and neater. And Lawd knows I do love me some neat stuff. I've listed some categories couples might fit into. Note: these are extreme versions but are nonetheless present in the world of married couples.


The "Rich" Couple
Everybody and their Momma is jealous of this couple. I mean who cares if the flowers at the wedding cost more than your house, your car, and practically everything you own, it looks pretty. And oh the engagement ring, yeah the one that's the size of a baby's head, yeah you better believe that ring pop err.. i mean diamond is real. And I don't blame the fiance for accidentally stomping on his fiance's foot and pushing her into a swimming pool he was only trying to save the wedding cake he spent a crap-load of money on from falling off a table. Image is everything to this couple. They might not care too much about one another but as long as they look good and make everyone around them green with envy, that's all that matters.

The "Traditional" Couple
Oh this is the couple that thinks they're right and the rest of the world is wrong. Good luck with these folks. Their way is for everyone and I mean EVERYONE. Who cares if the man doesn't know how to change a diaper or never wakes up in the middle of the night to feed the baby, that's the Momma's job. Why can't everyone just understand that? Rules are rules are rules and the world would be such a better place if everyone would just follow them.

The "all we need is each other" couple
This couple is all about sacrifice. And when I say "sacrifice" I mean sacrificing the rest of the world. I'm gonna stop talking to my mom, dad, sisters, brothers, mailman, the Rite Aid cashier, and the stray cat in the backyard because they're all just trying to break us up. All we need in this world is each other.

The "love is the only factor in our marriage" couple
Let's face it, a marriage may require love but that's not the sole factor in making it last. Love isn't going to pay your bills or fix the leaky faucet. This one may be mistaken or comparable to "lust is what brought us together & now we're stuck" couple. And FYI looks fade so if that played any role in falling in love or lust, you're in for a rude and receding hairline awakening.

The dependent/needy partner couple
This type of couple annoys me A LOT. I don't even feel like describing them because they're that annoying.

The "I'm more into my kids than myself" couple
Now this couple I have a decent amount of respect for. This couple also sacrificed a lot for what they believed to be a praiseworthy cause. You can't blame them for not knowing that the little rugrats they refer to as "the apple" of their eye would become teenagers who cause havoc with sprinkles of disrespect. Those ingrates. The kids will most likely not realize or care that you won "class beauty" for your high school mock elections or the fact that you used to be a size 0. The only thing your left with by the time they're gone is bills, extra fat, and wrinkles.





Ahh marriage is great. Makes me want to run to the alter this very second.